Two Girls and a Pair of Mutts...

And away we go!

2010-04-03T12:54:00.000-07:00

2010-03-31T08:29:00.000-07:00

A month has passed and things are very similar to the last time I checked in. V is growing like a weed and is sporting some 5t clothes in the rotation. I am going to be forced to start chopping off appendages soon if she wants me to continue carrying her around all the time! She is now in a big girl car seat...which as many of you may know is a huge freedom for me! No more five point harness to adjust and cram bulky jackets into. The cutest part is that she can let herself out now. So, anytime we stop she asks very politely is she can push her "buddon." In Vionese this means she is asking to take her seatbelt off. I never get tired of it :)

She has also just wrapped up a ballet class at a local community center. Unfortunately, I'm not really sure she enjoyed it so we are going to try something a little different soon. There is a place nearby that offers toddler tumbling classes I am going to look into. I think she would enjoy that...and if not...there are plenty of other things to try! She just loves being with other kids! I may have mentioned that I have her with a sitter two days a week now. V loves that time with the other kids and pretty much races me to the car on those mornings. I must admit that I do love picking her up in the afternoon and having her run to me with arms open yelling, "Mommy!" I find that everyday my heart swells a little more with love for that little girl. All I want for her is happiness and security and stability. I just want her to have a full and complete life without a million worries. I don't know that I will be able to give her that...but I am going to try my hardest. I have to put her first and do what is right for her life.

As for me, school is school. I am about to wrap up my first semester and it has kicked my tail. This semester I took five classes when normally I will just be taking three from here on out. Jumping into school with both feet has been hard, rewarding, but hard. I am already ready to be done! Wouldn't it be nice if you could get your MBA in just one semester?!?

With regards to general life direction, I have no clue. The divorce is final and I am a single woman. The house is on the market and I am just waiting for an offer to finalize that portion of this battle. I am relieved that it is over and I have no desire to return to that portion of my life but I am finding that the uncertainty of where I am now is uber-stressful. Not knowing where I will be in a year gets me sometimes. Today I sit here in a silent house surrounded by laundry and to do lists completely melancholy. It's a little scary to think that you really can't count on anyone except God. That is a frightening realization that I have wrestled with for months. Sometimes I think that there is another truth. That maybe that isn't concrete, but somehow I always end up right back here. That's not to say that family can't be counted on or that a friend won't drop everything to come hold your hand. Sometimes it is just hard to accept that things aren't always what they seem.

The only truth I can be sure of is that I must be faithful to God and He will support me. Maybe not in the way I would expect Him to, but in the way that I need Him to. No lesson is in vain, and no test should be too hard with His love.

The cars on the track go round and round...

2010-03-06T07:58:00.000-08:00

I am without my little monster for four days. That isn't something I am used to and it isn't something I really like. When I dropped her off to him I cried all the way home. The upside is that I had Chuck to make me laugh and we met close friends for dinner. I am such a needy mom! At least I recognize that and am working on it :) I have put V with a sitter two days every week. That was something I didn't want to do, not even for a second, but my parents were adament that I was going to make myself crazy. I gave in and it has made homework and quilts and even laundry soo much easier. It allows me to spend more quality time with her when I have her. V gets to play hardcore with a couple of other kids. My sanity is in tact. I hate it when my parents are right!

Anyhow, back to the point...I am off to the races. My family goes every Spring and Fall to Atlanta Motor Speedway. It is good times, good company, good drinks, good food, great entertainment, and the list goes on. I haven't been without V to a race since she was born...heck, I haven't used the camper without V since she was born! It is bizarre. I have space to move around. The camper stays clean for more than 5 seconds. It is like I have tripped and fallen onto another planet.

Don't get me wrong...my time on Mars is going to be fun...it is just taking some adjusting!

Peace, Love, and Shenanigans.

2010-02-09T09:58:00.000-08:00

Swamped! Homework has me swamped! I am doing everything I can to get out of school and get a job quickly but with a toddler in tow at all times life can get very interesting! That being said I am currently in a great place. I am loved and supported which allows me to be a better mother for V. V is loved and supported and spoiled beyond belief. It is kinda crazy how much fun she has every day. She thinks this is the world's greatest vacation.

Speaking of the World's Greatest Vacation...V has been here there and everywhere. She has been making some new friends and has been taking advantage of every opportunity I have to get them in the same place. Two of my favorite pictures were from our recent trip to the aquarium and a cold day trip to the mall for a ride on the carousel, lunch, a peek into every water feature, and some playtime on the indoor playground. They cracked me up running through the mall holding hands and telling each other every single thing they saw! The only downside is that they are very close in age and seem to just love each other. That can be good and it can also be bad...they are definitely partners in crime...and crime could be trouble ;)

V, in addition to playing with new friends, had been reaping the benefits of having four adults in the house doting on her at all times. Violet has been cooking up a storm in her play kitchen (and note in the picture talking on her play phone!) and ropes in the nearest adult to have tea every chance she gets. She has also been working on some pretty serious art work in the little art area. Between the paints, markers, and crayons she has a pretty good time. We even put up a magnet board complete with magnetic letters so she could display her favorites. Lastly, on V's horizon we are starting toddler tumbling classes this month. It should be a riot and I am positive V will love it! When that class ends I have my eye on a Mommy & Me ballet class for toddlers that might carry us all the way into summer!

With regards to life in Missy's world...I mentioned homework above. I am taking four classes and still mommying full time. It is a lot but I wouldn't trade a moment of it. I am slowly adjusting to life not in Athens but I will admit that I sometimes get a little sad when I visit. The house is on the market, folks are looking at it and I have started packing my stuff up in a very real way. I am so ready to have that portion of my life behind me...I just can't begin to tell you guys. I am certain, now more than ever, that God has given me this opportunity to regain control of my life and take it in a direction that is both positive and full of love. I know my marriage served a purpose in His plan and I wouldn't take it back because V was the greatest gift a person could ask for. That being said...I don't think I will miss it. Taking this opportunity to step outside of my comfort zone and trust God's plan for my life has shown me more joy and peace than I was ever expecting to find when this whole thing started. I am happier than I have been in a very long time. Don't get me wrong...stress still exists and crappy stuff happens, but the bigger picture is brighter, clearer, and somehow simpler than it ever was.

With regards to my search for a new church home I think I may have found one. In a few weeks I will share that link once I feel a little more settled. We have only been twice but are really enjoying it. It feels really good to be pursuing God corporately again. I have missed that regular time and the direction it helped give me. Sometimes it is easy to to get lost and caught up in day to day stuff. I, often, need to be reminded where my focus should be. It has also renewed my cravings to spend time in God's word...to see what He would have for me. When I moved I was hesitant about finding a new church and to be honest I didn't think I would find one with the kind of love and support my old one showed. I am definitely not saying that it is home yet...but I am optimistic in saying it possibly could be one day.

In addition to school and church I thought I should probably pursue something for me (besides the gym...which I love...but it can be a chore). I am playing on a co-ed kickball team and our games start in March! I will keep you guys informed of our going ons and I will be sure to take pictures. Lastly, I am excited to say that Mom brought me home four old jars of buttons. They were rusty and even smelled old...but they held the coolest treasures! There were carved wooden ones, plastic ones, glass ones, celluloid ones, rhinestone ones, and so much more! I can't wait to find something fun to do with them! It feels like it has been forever since I have had the opportunity to do something creative...school rules right now but I am lucky to have my first really lazy week. I don't have a ton due so I am planning on playing in my buttons, quilting a little, and sleeping a lot more than I have been.

The only thing standing in my way of rest this weekend is the start of OM season. The first tournament kicks off Saturday in Flowery Branch. If you are around and want to see kids do some pretty amazing things, feel free to stop by and take a peek. If you need me I will be ~~trapped~~ hanging out in the score room :)

Lemons? Nah. Lemonade!

2010-01-14T09:04:00.000-08:00

With Christmas and the New Year celebrations past V and I have settled into a pretty nice routine. I am busy with school work and she is busy with everything. Her new favorite thing is the childcare at my gym. I love the ability to run without pondering what the actual effects of hypothermia are and V loves the childcare center there. I like to think of it as a win, win situation! It has been a long time since I have exercised really regularly so I am loving this opportunity!

School is a lot right now. I am taking more than a full load so I can knock out my prereqs and get in an MBA level class. The upside is that since I have so much flexibility I am going to graduate in just over a year. That puts me back in the workforce at record speed with a new degree and a new lease on life. I like to think I am making some pretty tasty lemonade out of the lemons I was dealt :)

Speaking of lemons. Divorce is in full swing. We finally came to terms and the papers are signed and being filed. I am ready to have this all behind me. There is still much to do to tie up loose ends...namely, the house in Athens must be packed up and then sold. I am starting the process today and plan to make substantial progress this weekend packing and cleaning and getting the house ready to sell. I just hope that the other half of this equation puts in a little effort with regards to getting the house ready to go on the market. That would make things much easier for both V and me.

On the horizon...V and I are planning a trip to the aquarium with some friends, I am super excited about a wine class in my future, and V and I are going to be trying a new church. I will let you all know how it goes!

Yes, I realize how late this is!

2010-01-05T07:46:00.000-08:00

Christmas has been an adventure of epic proportions. I have been here and there and everywhere it seems but it has been wonderful fun! V arrived here Christmas Eve already asleep and we slept until 9:30 Christmas day. Normally that would be completely unacceptable in the Flanders household but, in the case, I enjoyed it quite immensely! Christmas here is an early event to be enjoyed only after Dad has a diet pepsi and Mom has a cup of hot coffee. The gifts must be photographed in their places and then, and only then, one start distributing the gifts from Santa.

Sidenote: Yes, I am an almost 29 (in just one day) year old woman. Yes, I do write Santa a letter. Yes, I do believe. You see...we have a little saying here in the Flanders house..."When you cease to believe, you cease to receive!" So folks, you can see why I believe.

V got lots of wonderful things from Santa, Me, Granny and Pop, Uncle Chuck, and Uncle Doug. She got fake food, and movies, and books, and toys, and babies, and baby carriers, and clothes, and and and...It was excellent to see her having so much fun. She laughed and giggled and oohed and ahhed. This was the first time I have seen her really excited about unwrapping gifts. It cracked me up! I will say that only one gift makes me crazy. V has, in the past, gotten fake food and cooking sets. She loves to cook and make pretend meals. I thought it would be a wonderful idea to buy her a giant set of all kinds of fake food. That would have been fine except this particular set of fake food came with like 20 small fake hot dogs (and strangely enough, no buns). So she drives her grocery cart around the house and hot dogs come flying out everywhere...the dogs are chasing her eating fake hot dogs and I am trying to pick them up as she goes. It was kind of stressful for someone like me that has a touch of OCD.

Fried turkey, a few games of cranium, and the world's best nap were the perfect ending to an amazing Christmas. Sorry you are just getting the update now!

Guess what?!?

2009-12-31T05:53:00.000-08:00

...and she puts off the Christmas post even longer...

I know that seems crazy given that today is New Year's Eve...but I have wonderful news I wanted to share: I finally got word that I start grad school January 7th!! I know that is practically tomorrow and I am scrambling to get things in order but, I am still super excited! I was hoping to start this summer. That would have been totally fine but with the divorce and only a six month break before school started employment options were limited. Having the opportunity to start next week means I finish a semester earlier than I had planned and it gives me a clear path for the next couple of years.

I just finished financial aid paperwork, I am registering via e-mail this week, and I need to do the mundane things like buy books (and a bookbag...bizarre). Then presto...I will be in the process of earned my MBA!

I am still working on a few things quietly on the side. However, if those fall through I will have a greater opportunity to provide for V and I in a more comfortable way. That, in and of itself, is a huge relief.

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and I pray that the New Year is nothing short of a gift from God.

Out of nowhere.

2009-12-27T19:45:00.000-08:00

I am going to be in and out of town for about a week so the Christmas update will have to wait. I know the fluff writing seems so simple but those posts are the ones that take the longest for me. I have to think about all the things I don't want to forget and find the pictures that I think you would love. That writing for me is much more complicated than a good rant or something heartfelt that has been rattling around inside of me for a few days.

It is going to feel like I am going way off track but please bare with me...you'll understand soon enough.

Remember when you were a child and you would start putting one of those impossible 1,678,928 piece puzzles together that was predominantly clouds? What was the first thing you did after dumping out the pieces and flipping them all over so they were facing up? I remember perfectly. I would always start on the border. I guess it was the easiest because the pieces obviously had straight edges...but it also provided a framework. It was a good guide for you to use. It allowed some perspective for the rest of the puzzle to start coming together.

That being said...looking back on my last few thoughts I have shared with you guys it is obvious that I am starting my life over. I have been given back all these pieces. Some make sense and some just don't. I know that they all fit somewhere...my faith, my daughter, my career, my education, my life as a single woman...and that's just scratching the surface. I have all these things that I want to fit together just right. To make a perfect picture. Yet, even with an essentially clean slate and all these pieces I couldn't visualize what things might look like for me. What life would hold 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years from now. I had all these bits that I knew would provide the framework for me moving forward and yet I could gain no perspective on the big picture.

Did you ever have that moment when trying to put the border together? You look and look (and I pray and pray) but to no avail. So, not having the one piece you think is crucial, you just start on the big picture...then, presto, it just appears out of nowhere. I may have had that moment.

Instead.

2009-12-23T11:28:00.000-08:00

So I wrote a post today that was long and came easy. Looking back on that post I'm not so sure it was nice. That being said I am going to hang onto it for a while and mull over it's content.

For those of you that are curious...yesterday was not quite as simple as I had hoped it would be. Figures.

The fat lady must have laryngitis...

2009-12-23T11:15:00.000-08:00

And the post that almost never was...

As expected in war between what was once a loving couple...things are never as simple as one would hope. I handed him the papers, gave him a week, and he told me to expect a counter offer. It was kind of like he thought he was buying a house rather than leaving his wife. I'm not terribly sure I am comfortable with that. He wants out. He refuses counseling. He has no desire to repair our home. He says it is because I am hateful. Do you possibly think that I am hateful because he tells me that I am, at my core a terrible, disrespectful, unloving person?!? Could it be that despite my begging, pleading, and honest effort for months that he was unwilling to give anything?!? Do you think it could be his constant belittling of my role in our family?!? Do you think it could be his questionable behavior and constant application of double standards?!? Do you possibly think that it could be his complete and total refusal to take any responsibility for the downfall of our marriage?!? Nah. I must just be a bad person. That's the only thing that makes sense.

Grrr.

So here we are. Threats of court and more lawyers. I bounce back and forth between just letting him skip off into the sunset whistling Dixie and taking him to the mats. Here's the thing. I could let him walk away with the minimum. I would be fine. My issue with that is that he is just, in essence, shirking his responsibilities. He got fed up and thinks that as a grown man he can walk away from his family and his promises with little to no friction. That is just not right, here and now, or in any alternate universe. Taking him to the mats would prove my point and would give any judge in America the opportunity to tell him that you don't get to choose. You have to continue taking care of your family. The things he accomplished were in part due to me and that entitles me to half. Period. That is what the law says. Black and white. Doing that would serve my pride but wouldn't accomplish what I want...and that is peace.

Serving my ego and my pride would only costs thousands of dollars and lots of tears. I don't know if I am willing to go that route. I don't think he is worth that. I think I am worth more. Knowing those truths deeply and soulfully leave me teetering on just giving him what he wants. His freedom and the bulk of his money.

I spoke to a friend yesterday and cried. I have struggled with my anger throughout this process. I have prayed for peace and for God to take away this fire that burns in my chest. I know that my near rage is as great a sin as any he is committing. I know that and yet here I am. Fists balled, eyes glistening with tears, hateful words on my lips. This is not who I want to be. This is not who I am. Maybe letting him go his own way would release me of my own sin. Maybe it would give me a moment of peace. The kind of peace that lasts a lifetime. I find so many verses in the Bible that soothe my soul and give me direction but just the sight of him these days makes me see red.

Today is the day.

2009-12-22T11:37:00.000-08:00

Granny update: She is doing okay and was supposed to go see her cardiologist today. The only explanation we have is that her heart rate dropped incredibly low causing her to pass out. From what I can gather this is a fairly common thing for her (which is a little scary!). The bad thing is that they can't pin-point why and as a result they have no treatment. When I know more I will let you know.

On the home front...today is the day. I have the papers signed, notarized and packaged. He gets them today and then he gets one week to sign. I have been sick about this all day. I am ready to be finished and hope that this is going to be as simple as giving him the papers, getting them back, and getting them to the lawyer. I know the long run holds lots of stuff like selling the house and rearranging bank accounts...but I think a little finality would go a long way for my tummy ache. Once the papers are signed everything is basically spelled out and the divorce settlement is basically law. Yikes, law.

With regards to life after marriage it might just be something I have dreamed of. Not in the unicorns and rainbows sense...but instead that I will be pursuing some things I never thought I would. For starters I am waiting to find out (any day now) if I can start work on my MBA the first week in Jan or in the summer of 2010. Either way I am excited about the prospect of having the opportunity to provide more comfortably for V and I. Had this divorce business not come up I would have been satisfied to make a home for my family. Now I have a catalyst to pursue a more prestigious degree. Not only something I can be very proud of, but also something V can take a lot of pride in. I want to be an example for her that education is incredibly important. Something you can't avoid in today's world. It truly is one of the main ingredients for success.

In addition, I have a little something else in the works. I don't have a lot of details at the moment....just know that I am in the research phase. My parents make me feel so silly sometimes. They point out my accomplishments and talents and always want to know why I just don't use them to do something I would love. So...maybe I will. Maybe I will be able to support myself doing something fun that I love. Maybe I can do this life without a boss. We'll see. As things start to take a more defined shape I will be sure to keep everyone updated.

For now just know these important things: 1.)V and I are surrounded by unconditional love and support. 2.)Rather than moving forward feeling as though I have been robbed of my life I am choosing to feel like I have been given a new opportunity. 3.)I will be successful.

Crazy how you can boil things down and they seem that simple. Especially when there is a whole lot of distraction around...

Prayer Request.

2009-12-21T12:28:00.000-08:00

We just got a call from a Wal-Mart employee saying that my granny had fallen ill in Savannah and they were trying to get in touch with a relative. Apparently, she could not talk and they were calling an ambulance. We don't have any other information than that and are waiting for an update. Please join us in prayer that she would be healthy and this was something as simple as low blood sugar.

Never saw this coming.

2009-12-20T12:16:00.000-08:00

So, I am putting the finishing touches on my divorce papers for the lawyer to get them in order. The timeline looks like I will be finished with my part and have them in his hands by Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

I just finished looking over stuff, filling in blanks, and asking questions. I thought I would be completely relieved but I just feel sick to my stomach. I guess this coming at the holiday season kills me. The thought of couples gathered around the tree opening gifts and exchanging kisses hits me like I never expected. I am in the distinctly different position of my gift being the end. The end of what I thought would be a love to last lifetimes.This morning while I was working on the legalese I was blindsided by pain. Families everywhere rejoicing and here I am dividing property and adding zeros to what he thinks I should be getting. A man I pledged my life to has turned his back on me. Despite my relative comfort with the situation that isn't something you just put down and walk away from. I have to own some of that and I think that is where much of my pain lies.

Everyone has problems...right? Where do you decide that your problems are everything and there is nothing left. Or even scarier, the thought that there are no real problems and in addition no real love. Is that something you slog through and continue on, hoping that life will reveal itself in an amazing unexpected way, giving you something you thought you could never have.

I heard someone say once, "If the grass is greener on the other side you need to water your own lawn." Going through this distinctly common situation I am trapped in at the moment I just don't know if that is true. I am beginning to think there isn't an answer to any of the questions I have. Given my usual need for control that hasn't been something that is easy for me to accept...that there may not be answers.

Everything I was once so sure of turns out to be something completely different. Things I thought I knew...turns out I don't. I am just hoping that this decision that has been handed to me will become something I never thought it would. I would like it to be the opportunity to be Violet's hero. The opportunity to do things for myself that I hadn't planned on. The opportunity to live in a way that I never regret anything...

Sleigh Bells Ring, Are you listening?

2009-12-15T13:15:00.000-08:00

Christmas is almost upon us and I am totally unprepared. I have been so worried about moving and unpacking and trying to find a job and applying to grad school and and and...that it just snuck up on me! The upside to that is that I have very few gifts to buy/make. I have 5 people to buy for and then V's stuff...that's it. This is the first year I have so little to buy but in a way it is liberating. It is definitely a huge relief since I am jobless and despite applying for more than 50 jobs I have no leads.I wasn't really in the Christmas spirit...I think that is why I have been avoiding shopping. I even managed not to be Christmas spiritesque after having gone to visit Santa Clause for breakfast. Last Saturday we took V to see the big man and she was not pleased with him. I, of course, had to sit on his lap to get my picture taken with her and then she wouldn't even look at the camera because she was too engrossed with her candy canes. Her cousin Haiden was just fine with Santa though! She jumped right up rattled off her list and smiled for the camera. Maybe next year I will be that lucky!

Last night, however, we put up the Christmas tree and that turned my frown upside down! It was hysterical! There were kids screaming, adults stuttering, and teenagers text messaging. It might have been the hardest I have laughed in a very long time. We decorated, ate pizza, and listened to Christmas music with the football game on. We even sang Christmas carols loud, proud, and way out of tune on the ride to drop some folks off. I did end up with a headache from all the chaos but I wouldn't have changed a thing!

In addition, there have been a few Christmas parties with friends I love and trips to the Mall with my little sister...all that is fun...but nothing compares to being in a home filled with love during the holidays.

Her first trip to the nail salon.

2009-12-09T13:34:00.001-08:00

So today for a little pick-me-up my Mom toted Chuck, V, and I to the local nail place for a little pampering. I got my first pedicure in quite some time and it was fab-u-lous! I was a little stressed when we were talking about it because this would be Violet's very first trip to the nail salon. All those dremels for filing, and chemicals, and breakables...I am getting heart burn just thinking about it again!

We got there and our plan of attack was for one person to be free to take care of V at any given time but the nice nail ladies had other plans. They turned on my spa pedicure chair tossed her up in my lap and started to work on my teeny tiny little toenails. The craziest thing happened. It completely blew my mind! Violet just sat there. And sat there. And sat there. She sat there the entire time and just watched quietly. I never in a million years thought that would happen. The only time she really moved around much was when she decided that she needed to take her shoes and socks off like everyone else (which was honestly REAL cute.) In exchange for her compliance I have promised her a little Spa Brockmann treatment tomorrow. V will be getting a mom pedicure for her sweet little feet...the trick is going to be getting off the red polish that is already on her toes without her freaking out :)

Here to stay.

2009-12-07T09:37:00.000-08:00

The move is done. Our stuff is officially here and unpacked. The only thing we are still working on is getting our wireless internet working. The password for the wireless network in the ‘rents house seems to have disappeared so for now we must be creative! Thank goodness for usb drives and short staircases :)

The dogs, as mentioned before, are not terribly excited about the yard business…but they are starting to adjust. I would say that the upside is that when they come in at night to sleep with V and I they are exhausted! I’m not sure they even move during the night anymore! That is a blessing…now if only I could convince the Peke to quit snoring life would be perfect! Well, maybe not perfect…but you get the idea.

V is adjusting well and giving me a run for my money. I am always amazed at how quickly kids adapt to new things. For example, V had transitioned into a big girl bed flawlessly. No trouble at all. She jumped up in her flower covered twin bed, put her curly locks on the pillow, and off to dreamland she went. I was stressed out the first night needlessly. Nap time was the event I was really worried about. Again, needlessly.

V is also potty training fiercely. She has her little pull ups and her big girl panties. I am not convinced she is actually going potty. However, I am sure that she enjoys tearing the TP off the role. That much I know.

She is also becoming more concerned about her appearance. It is cracking me up! Everywhere she goes she has to have a “bow bow” which is her version of the hair bow. Yesterday I caught her putting her jacket on and she got hold of an entire thing of bow bows. In a very short period of time she managed to put all 15 bow bows in her hair. I had quite a time getting her to let me take the majority of them out. I did snap a picture before I did that though :)

Move in is almost complete...

2009-12-02T14:21:00.001-08:00

Move in is almost complete. There was a bit of discombobulation and cleaning involved but we are almost settled. Just a few more days and I think we will be semi-permanent. In the past two days I have packed and unpacked and moved and shifted and planned and cried. It is hard actually letting go of things you thought would be your life forever. I am blessed to have such a wonderful support system to help carry me through this time in my life.

V has been over joyed to have all the excitement and playmates. Having her laughing and smiling and talking and playing has been the most encouraging thing about this move. Despite my uncertainty about where I will be in a few months I am blessed to know that she will be by my side. My marriage was (apparently) a disaster from day one but I wouldn't change a moment because the end result was that amazing little lady that roams around behind me every day.

The dogs are a little grumpy about the move. They aren't terribly sure about this whole "yard dog" business. They are used to laying on the couch and watching Sesame Street with V...they aren't terribly excited about laying outside while V watches Sesame Street. Still, if that is the biggest issue with our move then I think we have a winner!

The next few days hold a new MOPS group, a last furniture move, and letting V go for the weekend. I will be sure to post some pictures of our new digs soon. We actually have a pretty sweet set up considering we just moved into a mad house :)

The new begining...

2009-11-30T13:58:00.000-08:00

So here we are at the beginning of what is sure to be a journey we didn't plan or pack for. I am a nearly single Mom in the sense that my husband does not want to be married to me. I know what you're asking...are you divorcing?!? Who knows. That is the simplest answer.

For now I am moving home to live with my parents in hopes of finding a few things. First, I am hoping to find a home filled with love again. Living in this house that was my family's is hard when my family doesn't exist anymore. I am trying to make this a home for my daughter but the holidays and this ongoing war with my husband combined with the stress of a job search in this market are starting to wear me down. I need help. I need support. Not here and there support...constant support. It's not that I can't handle my toddler...it's that I can't prepare a resume, cover letters, find daycare, prepare meals, apply to jobs, interview, grocery shop, make meals, keep up with a large home and four acres of grass, make quilts I have ordered, and, and, and....I need extra eyes and ears to keep her little busy fingers out of trouble. So I go. I also go because my life has always been built around my amazing family. I need them to be in my life. It was OK living far from them when I was focused on my own family...but now that it has gone the way of the Dodo I miss them terribly. I am moving closer to them if my marriage does end and that would mean that my job search needs to shift over a few counties. So I go. I need a fresh start without him if he doesn't want to share my home. I need to reclaim my life and move forward wounded but stronger. I can't be a broken single mother. I have to be a strong Godly woman. So I go.

Now will the new homestead be a mad house. Yup. I never thought that I would be nearly 30 moving home with my toddler and two dogs but here I am. It is going to be an adventure every day I am sure but I am looking forward to it. To be surrounded by love and support when something goes wrong or it has just been one of those days is a priceless gift that I can only thank God for the opportunity to have.